I know these are not my own, but these are some of the rules for the family:
1) Use your hands on my daughter and you’ll lose them after.
2) You make her cry, I make you cry.
3) Safe sex is a myth. Anything you try will be hazardous to your health.
4) Bring her home late, there’s no next date.
5) If you pull into my driveway and honk, you better be dropping off a package because you’re sure not picking anything up (Alternative rule #5: 6) Only delivery men honk. Dates ring the doorbell. Once.)
7) No complaining while you’re waiting for her. If you’re bored, change my oil.
8) If your pants hang off your hips, I’ll gladly secure them with my staple gun.
Dates must be in crowded public places. Do you want romance? Read a book.
These are original we put in place for the family:
9) If it has a penis, it does not stay the night.
10) Don’t mess with anyone more messed up than yourself. (replace ‘mess’ with your colorful adjustive).